Nous Bohemian

Caught in the Disquiet

As Pink asked...is anybody out there?
aaronnavarre
Are there any of you who were friends of mine from the Vampire Chronicle rp forums still out there....connected to this account? I'd love to find some of you..hear from you again.

Where am I?
aaronnavarre
I am surprised this thing still waits for my keystroke. I've not the time now to enter a proper entry but only wanted to show I am alive and well...
I am in New Orleans now and working my art. I am with someone else and all is well. (for the most part).More later..perhaps...

Pax

life,death, food, and art
aaronnavarre
Sounds like a name for a pretentious "artsy-fartsy" movie doesn't it? Well, I *love* "artsy-fartsy" movies! Especially "artsy-fartsy" movies about artists.

Either being a bio or a made up artist, anything that sheds some light on the odd inner workings of artists is always a welcome thing. Now I do confess that some older movies like to play up the cliché' of the starving artist who is nothing but a misunderstood pariah of the upper crust art collectors/gallery owners/ established artists who are really nothing more than puppets of the "Man".

Yeah, ok those storylines are fun but not everyone necessarily had a Van Gogh lifestyle. He is my hero though and will always be. Movies such as Pollock, Frida,Theo and Vincent and even American Splendor ( bio of the underground comic book writer Harvey Pekar) are truly wonderful for the simple fact they show more aspects of the artists and the people in their lives.

Take for instance, a lot of people- artists and non-artists alike- heard of Jackson Pollock...but oddly and sadly enough none had heard of or knows much about his wife and manager ,Lee Krasner.

She was one of the most motivated and original women artists of that time in my humble opinion. It is also a shame that there had to be division of artists by gender. Many collectors and agents took few women seriously in the visual arts.

Luckily light has been shed on them then and now.

Hmm, now why do I have food in the title? Mostly for two reasons. One of my housemates is an experimental cook and also we are all in my household are coming up with inventive ideas for us and for "feasts" at SCA events.
Thinking of our simple but oh-so-good feasts had my mind wander to food artists. I am sure some of you have watched them on channels such as the Food Network in those competitions where they create the most amazing sculptures with edible mediums.

I see that as viable as art as I do the Mona Lisa ,and more tasty I am sure.

Back to my "artsy-fartsy" movies. Some may view all things on film as art. I love action movies and I fully am aware of the talented artists who made possible. Actors,Directors,Gaffers,Props People,Writers,Wardrobe,Background Art and/or Miniatures.

Strangely enough I don't see such movies like Die Hard as "art"...even though artists made it. How odd. It then occurred to me that it is the same thing as commercial art. Who looks at a can of peas, a layout for a tool catalogue, or newspaper ad for a department store and thinks...."Wow..now that is a beautiful art piece?".

Not many do; even other artists. Especially the elitists who sees it as beneath them. The person who designed that billboard or vacuum cleaner ad is a real artist too. They know how to draw. They know composition and colour theory.

Being a former commercial artist ( who in fact had designed all of those products) it is no fun. Yes it is a nice, steady source of income. Yes it allows you to apply your talent to a viable job. But your name is never known except in the advertising circles and then only if you're damned lucky.

So this makes me ponder as to why I am such a hypocrite when it comes to your average Action movie made by anything but average artists.

It seems the one unifying element is the masses of consumers being happy and spending money for an active economy; especially padding the pockets of Producers ,Studio executives, and Stockholders.

So does economical viability make a product, be it an ad, jingle,talkshow, or summer movie less of an artistic endeavor?

In some ways I think it does. Maybe it all comes down to that ideal of selling out; even if it merely a subconscious act. We all fall for it too.

So lets go back to the Action Movie. Is it art? Is it art after all of that knowledge of who made it make it art? My pragmatic mind says yes. I do justify my words and feel comforted by the fact though art can be art but not always "good".

Many people compare Kandinsky to their 3 year old's scribbles. You know what, I find many scribbles of some 3 year olds pretty damned good. As I see it raw talent has no age limit.

I put death in the title too. Well, I don't plan on babbling on about some metaphysic thought or tossing out words of wisdom. I think the subject of death- be it literal or metaphor- threads throughout this entry.

And now I will do what a Nihilist thinks of death. I will just stop now.

Kristof

still alive....
aaronnavarre
As that title states...I am still alive. I came to look up something here and noticed it said it had been 35 weeks since my last post.
That is akin to 100 years or more in the internet reality isn't it?
Guess in that sense I can be immortal..* smirks*

Into the dregs....
aaronnavarre
I have debated whether or not to put this out where anyone can see it. Not even sure if anyone is now since I am silent so often.
I guess I write this for my own healing and need to talk...

As was stated prior my partner/best friend/wife left me last month after an eleven year relationship
It was sudden and abrupt. She came home one night crying saying she was unhappy and can not do this anymore and that was all there was.

I begged her once in tears to please come back so we can try to fix whatever it was.
She wouldn't.

So not only was my mate torn from under my feet suddenly the whole of my existence has decayed rapidly after that.

I had no way to afford the expensive place where we lived and bills that she had been responsible for ( I paid rent and groceries) had been all behind and built up to levels I could not fix.
So the decay follows as this : gas turned off no way to get food,power, water....and now I am legally there until Nov 13th

She left right after I signed a year lease so I am breaking contract and will owe for that. I have tried in vain to find a roommate but always ran into the same wall. The ones who could afford it were happy where they were and ones who would or needed a place couldn't afford it.

I had to drop out of classes temporarily as well.

So now I am staying at a friend's house, couch surfing and on the fringe of being "legally" homeless..


All my funds went towards past rent and other financial obligations that she left me holding alone.

I will be in this state of limbo until I can gain enough funds slowly to move into my own cheaper place..need to find a way to move my things into storage.
I sound so calm now and it all looks like I have my ducks in a row.

Don't let the illusion fool you. It is not this easy and things are dire and I wonder when I may break down completely.
I haven't so far and to be frank I am shocked. If this had happened in the past I'd be hospitalized.

Christmas is going to be hard.

...and the feather travels on...
aaronnavarre
As a dear friend of mine just put, maybe we are like feathers floating on the wind and all these moments of pain and heartaches are merely resting places but not the destination. That ever seeming elusive place where the feather gets snagged and can finally rest.

That feather slammed hard on this particular landing in its travels...
Amber left me.

Back from war and all is fine
aaronnavarre





Well how to start.

As some here may know I belong to the Society of Creative Anachronism. If you're not aware of what this group is it is a medieval reenactment group. If you want more info look it up at SCA.org

We returned from last week's war. Gulf Wars XVII . It was held at King's Arrow Ranch. 26 Kings Highway, Lumberton, Mississippi (which in the "Known World" of the society the Kingdom of Gleann Abhann)

It is a week long event though me and my household went for Friday-Sunday due most of us having work commitments in the mundane world.
To say the least it was hard to acclimate when we got back late Sunday afternoon/early eve after spending 3 glorious days of living in the 13th century ( more or less).

Not *everyone* there lived in that century....since the society spans the time periods from the mid dark ages to the Tudor period.
But the majority of it all was high middle ages.

Camping,period food, period garb...men and women in heated combat to either protect or siege a fort in the pre Spring sun ( kinda hot though) takes you back to another world altogether.

Yeah, we are odd creatures to be sure..us Scadians :)

This is the 2nd war I have ever attended. The first was Fool's war waaaay back in the early nineties where I was thrust upon a battle field as a wet-behind-the-ears combat archer.
I wasn't on the tourney field this time but I have been "informed" by many warriors in our local group (Barony) that will change! Seems I am going to be a "stick jock" as we affectionately call our sword fighters.

We use rattan wrapped in duct tape and closed cell foam at the ends sometime to beat each other silly in very real ( and heavy) armor! ....fun fun!!!

Since most of those *convincing* me to fight are nobles and some royalty I am obliged to at least give it a try!.

Ah, returning to such a physical action and fighting at my age will be fun to say the least. Let's just hope my knees agree!

I mentioned earlier my household. For those that have no idea under the sun and moon what the hell I am talking about I will do my best to be concise about what that means.

As history shows, a collective group of people, whether by blood,same goals and oaths or all of the above had formal "households."

They were tight knit "families" that had a common goal. In the society that can be in the arts and sciences, warriors or just for the fun of hanging out together.
Those most serious about it end up having their own standard, or heraldry..colors..kinds of members they will allow in, rules,initiations..etc.

The one I am in is the one I started. We are small but have pretty good clout in the Barony ( Osprey).
Mostly because we are very pro active and assist with whatever the Barony and other society people need when and if we can.

The name of my household is Ars Peccare which is Latin for The Art of Sin..
We jokingly call ourselves an "arts and science" household. But I guess we really are. We are a house of the more shadier.roguish types. Very necessary positions back in the day....

After all, what would any noble or royal be without their fair share of spies, assassins, thieves, etc ??

Some of us are not so "obvious"; especially me since I am currently the only one who has been granted an Award of Arms- which means I am a lessor noble ( A Lord)

I am sure though, by all the activity we do and help and keen interest in the goings on within our local chapter, I won't be alone for long.

Me and my wife are the Patriarch and Matriarch. We have our Constable,Châtelaine, and other persons who hold various needs within the group.


Wow, I sound like a fanatic. Well, being in the SCA you either become fully ensconced or just play on the fringes...and that ends up not being as fun in the end.

I can manage to balance my schooling,work and this thus far and I love it. I don't have time to sit around twiddling my thumbs and possibly fall into states of depression as much as I did in the past.


I am on hiatus from schooling until June so it allows me to toss more time into this for a bit. The reasons I am on this 4 month break is a bit complicated but suffice it to say I was getting ill and had to back off a bit and get my head straight. I was going from making all A's on tests to B's and that was a sign of a downward spiral I was NOT looking forward to.

So I nipped that disaster in the bud!

I have a friend in Arizona who is working on a chain maile shirt for me and as I promised some people already I will declare that here as well. I will post pictures of myself in armor as soon as I have it to wear!
I guess I am done rambling for now....

Pax!
Tags:

I have climbed back onto the Earth once more...
aaronnavarre
...after slipping off a few times.
My Gods, has it been that long since I wrote here?? For those who have commented to me ( mostly you L)..I am very, very sorry. I have no excuse- many reasons- but no excuse.

That aside....

Today was a lovely day after fickle climate changes that mostly brought about rain, cold and oh yes, more rain.
The sun shone and the temperature was mild. A cerulean sky domed me and my new puppy. He is a large, heavy breed. Black, wrinkled jowls and skin akin to a bulldog. We named him Caynd. That's Norse for "Bear".

I stretched out on the grass that encompasses a small greensward at the back of our apartment. The centipede was poked still with it's tan, dead blades. A few hints of green peeked out here and there- hoping Spring was really coming.

I drowsily watched Caynd munch on clover and roll in the lawn at vain attempts to free himself from his tether. Unfortunately he needs to be on one for two reasons. One. there is no fence and two, Mobile has a leash law they are very strict about.
It was then a very subtle yet profound sadness washed over me.

I mumbled something to the frolicking puppy about being on my own leash, although it was invisible.
How I ached so much- more then I think than other times- to not be in the city. In fact, not be anywhere near another living soul ( at least a few miles apart between neighbors).
Just Me, Amber and our animals.

The only sound I'd be greeted with would be the breeze in the leaves and birds. Not very original I know as far as descriptions go but I am really not trying to be original. Just honest.

I am about done with school. We are now into the medical side of the training. A lot more brain muscle is being used then other parts of the body. So far I am a 4.0 student.
Things for us financially are stable. We are staying where we are but at least we're not struggling up a mountain of marbles.
I guess I could go on and relate what has all happened in my life since last Summer. To be honest I don't think it really matters at this moment.
Perhaps, I will be extremely fortunate and come back into contact with the one I neglected without meaning to. L.


pax...

Maybe the light at the end of that tunnel isn't a train this time!!
aaronnavarre
Upon a long talk with my wife as I was giver her legs a massage-her new job has her wearing steel toed boots and lots of stair walking- she told me maybe I should become a licensed Massage Therapist. So I thought, “ yeah, that may work..”

Since I have had much practice and not just with her, as well as learning anatomy in art college it may be ok- not to mention good paying jobs in interesting places.
There is a school for it not more than 3 miles away from where I live. So I filled out the small essay questions, took the tour, signed the application and got my financial paperwork under way.

All I am waiting for now is for my grants/loans to go through and to be officially admitted. Classes start later this month. It is a 7 and half-month course. The days are only 7 hours long with clinic work on Fridays and sometimes on Saturday mornings. They are a business as well.

I hope I get in. It will leave me time to keep a handle on my gallery business. It being on line for now it is not as much work as far as time goes. We have hopes of buying a house and finally moving away from here and away from sweltering, humid Summers AND these damned Hurricanes! After spending most of my life in the deep coastal south I am done and finished.

Our hopes are looking to the Pacific Northwest. Not only is it our kind of landscape and climate but also it fits our more liberal and artsy lifestyle and thinking.

We are Unitarian Universalists artists for God’s Sake!…

The Bible Belt isn’t exactly our cup of tea. Beautiful landscape, architecture and a rich history but it is all ruined by the horrid weather and more horrid political and social arena.
Wish me luck in getting into school as well as finding a well paying entry-level job afterwards!
Pax

Confessions of a Bohemian
aaronnavarre
I am a fan of the tv show on Sci Fi, “ Dead like me”. A fan for some very basic reasons as to why most are.

But what draws me the most is that is is narrated in first person by George. The unfortunate teen that died from impact by a flaming toilet seat screaming down from the sky.

I have pretty much led my life, as far back as childhood as best I can tell, narrating my own life most of the time too. As I grew older this became more frequent. I had the fantasy of being watched. Not that paranoid, the government is out to get me sort of watched, but the literal sense as being on a sit com…or a movie…or a character in a book.

Not sure how this “sensation” developed. Perhaps talking to myself all of the time, either in play or just for company contributed to it. I was alone a lot. My siblings were grown and out of the house for the majority of my childhood.

I also hid in my room and preferred to be alone. Mostly so I didn’t have to be subject to the whims of not-so-perfect parents.

Either way, it came to be from that I am sure. As I grew and my imagination grew more complex- with detailed storylines and a cast of supporting characters-
Normally one gives up such fancy as they get older. Mostly because society convinces them it is not normal.

I guess I never really did believe that idea of normalcy. Of course this occupying thought came to be an obsessive one and maybe a Delusional belief. The jury is still out on that one.

Often I have tried to argue with myself that it was NOT real and I shouldn’t be doing it…so not to become one of those crazy people on the street yelling at themselves.

Well, I do keep that to the privacy of my home. Anyway…..


I find comfort in thinking there is a script, or a plot and I am a character. Maybe it is the same comfort more conventional people have in believing in some supreme deity and/or a destiny or fate.

The old “ Everything happens for a reason”..or if you prefer the more Buddhist way of thinking..” All is as it should be”.
I kind of prefer the latter anyway. It has even become so “popular” to be shared and commented on by those who get close to me. They start using the reference of scriptwriters, or an author, a studio audience.

It is sort of like believing yourself to be Truman..but knowing all the time there is a camera somewhere.

Does this make me delusional? Does it make me immature?
Or does it make me like any other religious person? Then again, I think many of them are rather nuts.

I like having my running dialogue..
Strangely enough I thought I would love live journaling more because of this penchant of being heard , like most people.

Not really so much. Why? Simple ego I guess. I am not the star of the show ; the main character in the book.

A good plot device! * grins*


Until next time.
Pax

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