Nous Bohemian

Caught in the Disquiet

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Into the dregs....
I have debated whether or not to put this out where anyone can see it. Not even sure if anyone is now since I am silent so often.
I guess I write this for my own healing and need to talk...

As was stated prior my partner/best friend/wife left me last month after an eleven year relationship
It was sudden and abrupt. She came home one night crying saying she was unhappy and can not do this anymore and that was all there was.

I begged her once in tears to please come back so we can try to fix whatever it was.
She wouldn't.

So not only was my mate torn from under my feet suddenly the whole of my existence has decayed rapidly after that.

I had no way to afford the expensive place where we lived and bills that she had been responsible for ( I paid rent and groceries) had been all behind and built up to levels I could not fix.
So the decay follows as this : gas turned off no way to get food,power, water....and now I am legally there until Nov 13th

She left right after I signed a year lease so I am breaking contract and will owe for that. I have tried in vain to find a roommate but always ran into the same wall. The ones who could afford it were happy where they were and ones who would or needed a place couldn't afford it.

I had to drop out of classes temporarily as well.

So now I am staying at a friend's house, couch surfing and on the fringe of being "legally" homeless..

All my funds went towards past rent and other financial obligations that she left me holding alone.

I will be in this state of limbo until I can gain enough funds slowly to move into my own cheaper place..need to find a way to move my things into storage.
I sound so calm now and it all looks like I have my ducks in a row.

Don't let the illusion fool you. It is not this easy and things are dire and I wonder when I may break down completely.
I haven't so far and to be frank I am shocked. If this had happened in the past I'd be hospitalized.

Christmas is going to be hard.

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(Deleted comment)

Re: Happy birthday...?

Thank you for the acknowledgment of the birthday anyway *smiles*
I wish I could sit here telling you I am fine and all is fine but it really has been one day rolling into another and not much more.
I am alive though and fairly unfettered so I have that yes?

Thank you again.

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